Riley Steele Fleshlight Girls Lotus Customer Review

Riley Steele Fleshlight Girls Lotus Customer Review

Many years after I heard it, I only just “got” the Eddie Izzard joke: “I like my women how I like my coffee… in a plastic cup.” See, I thought it was just him being weird. Now I understand that’s pretty much what the Fleshlight is. (I feel like Data in ‘Star Trek: Generations’ when he finally gets that joke Geordie told him at Farpoint).

Doesn’t sound very sexy, does it? (The idea of a woman in a plastic cup. Not the Star Trek reference.) First-off, let’s address the huge stigma with owning one. The basic justification for getting one is usually: “Well – women are allowed to fud themselves silly with weird and wonderful devices. It’s hypocritical to stigmatise men for doing the same thing.”

But I think it goes deeper than this. Play a game with these Fleshlight reviews and see how long it takes for the reviewer to mention “I have a girlfriend!” Yeah, they are great fun with a partner (see, I’m doing it now!) but also great fun solo. Really, any stigma is a result of pervasive gender roles. Men are seen as failures if they’re not out banging women, or making exclusive use of the one they’ve ensnared. Women, on the other hand, are completely okay to use exotic tools to touch themselves up – they’re the prize; the resource that’s being competed over (or so say the entrenched gender tropes). Perhaps, if they use a vibe it’s because “a man can’t please me like this rabbit can,” etc. etc. Liberated women don’t need a man to please them.

But that’s where there is a real difference. Some women really can’t orgasm without the kind of clitoral stimulation a vibrator affords them. Whereas I don’t know of a single man who can’t just use his hand to jerk off. So we are talking about something that is most definitely a luxury for a man. Another big difference is in design. The best sex toys for women can be discreet works of art. The best sex toys for men are always more likely to be big, in-your-face rubber fannies.

The question is: do you deserve it? Are you enough of a hedonist to overcome the stigma? If you are, you’re in for a treat.

Appearance: This is my second Fleshlight. I started out with the semi-realistic-looking but almost cartoonish Pink Lady. Just as you might buy a strap-on/ dildo/ rabbit etc. that doesn’t look intimidatingly like a penis, it was an easier place to start. (Although not my first sex toy. I graduated from inoffensive, utilitarian-looking sleeves). Weirdly, I actually find the obscene ridiculousness of using a fake vagina as even more of a turn-on. Once the psychological hurdle is jumped, having a sex toy that is literally a replica of a porn star’s pussy, cast with more detail and in more muted, realistic colours is just so filthily low-rent it’s even more of a turn-on. (Am I such a pseud I stimulate myself with this ironically?! Apparently, yes. It does work for me. And the signature on it… how deliciously ersatz!). This particular woman, Riley Steele, really is gorgeous, right down to her vagina. I found myself running my tip around and just dipping it into the opening. If you look at the picture you’ll get the idea. It’s some glorious anatomy.

Ease of operation: (I love reviews of male sex toys written by men. So forensic. So male. I’ll add a section in on build quality as well while I’m at it). Very easy to use. I found myself using *way* more lube than I do with the Pink Lady (which is now probably going in the bin. I wonder how many Fleshlights there are in landfill… anyway…). That was a good thing. I recommend a big bottle of “ID Glide”. I’ve found that stuff is so persistently sticky as to be inconvenient for sex (we normally use Liquid Silk), but for the Fleshlight it was bang on. The design of the inner sleeve means you won’t lose sensation with lots of lube, a failing I found with the Pink Lady’s no-frills straight inner design. So, lots of lube on your man-meat and a good dollop on your toy, adding more as you go. People say you should warm the insert in warm water first, but I don’t normally bother. After you’ve finished, it’s a rinse under the tap and a bit of inside-out trickery patting it down with a towel before it gets stowed back in its pearlescent shell. If you want to keep it non-tacky (in a purely physical sense) just throw some cornflour at it every once in a while. All in all, not really as much of a hassle as some make out. (I mean, there’s no crying afterwards, for one thing. Point one to the replica…).

Build quality: Beautifully constructed. Not cheap or tacky. The Rolls Royce of sex toys, from the celebrity porn star endorsement, through the reflective security seals on the strong, nicely printed box, down to the patented rubber and the solid plastic case. Everything about this screams: “You’re worth it. Well done on treating yourself.”

My experience: Well this is where things get interesting. This thing is remarkably good. I remember being vaguely disappointed with the Pink Lady model. Not so with this one. Good grief. I’ve heard other reviewers claim it’s like the best blowjob they’ve ever had. Now, that comparison is entirely dependent on the quality of the blowjobs you’ve experienced. My wife has quite a small mouth, so unless I want my penis to feel like it’s been run through a cheese grater, oral is a one-way street for us. (Perhaps when we’re old and all her teeth have fallen out we’ll have a BJ renaissance…). I can say my eyes opened a little as I was using this on myself. It’s definitely more pleasurable in many ways than some of the good old, actually-inside-a-real-person sex I have experienced. It goes without saying that – duh – being physically connected to a loved one as you give each other pleasure is an unparalleled, deeply emotional high, on a different plane. But that’s in a different category. We’re talking simply about getting your rocks off. Now that is something this product absolutely excels in. The different chambers add so much stimulation, without over-stimulating. I was in this thing for a good half hour, enjoying the experience. It was a disappointment when it was over. I am looking forward to getting it out again tonight. I am also lucky enough to have a room I can escape to where I don’t have anyone to disturb. Because it can make sucking noises. I love those dirty sucking noises. But if you still live with your parents or something, they likely wouldn’t. The good news is that if you’re worried about spoiling the mood, you can adjust the cap at the end to reduce the risk of being too noisy.

Conclusion: Best sex toy I own, out of vibes, plugs, Tenga Flip Hole, Pink Lady. It feels great and it’s actually quite liberating owning one. I have a very high sex drive that one woman alone is unlikely to be able to service. We are animals; men often more obviously so, most of us driven by an insanely strong urge to put ourselves inside other people at any opportunity. In today’s society, we’re expected to shrug off these urges. It simply doesn’t do to express them all the time. Well, this thing goes a hell of a long way to providing a more pleasurable release valve than the usual Pamela Handerson.

Fortunately we have online shopping where we can discreetly order this kind of stuff without feeling we are being judged (or at least, only judged by people we never have to meet, who do this thing for a job and are presumably pretty open-minded).

TLDR: If you enjoy touching yourself, touch yourself with this. It feels nicer.

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